Mercy On Us
by marcasite
Summary: Sometimes she talks about Torchwood and the early years of her new life. How she had drifted until she found a purpose.  Sequel to "At Night We Shine"


_Written for then_theres_us "sequel challenge" as a sequel to "at night we shine"_

The first (and last) time he wore a brown pinstripe suit he was surprised to see the corners of her mouth turn down and her eyes cloud up in pain. She had turned away from him, finger pressed tightly against her book and he could see her frame shudder as she took several deep breaths. When she had finally turned back to him, all he could do was watch her anxiously; heels rocking back and forth on the floor.

Silence stretched between them for an eternity (he knows, he could hear the click of time) until she whispered no and turned back to her book. Though all she did was whisper, he felt the compression in his chest as he had absorbed the impact of her rejection as if she had screamed.

He adds one more thing he shouldn't do to the list.

* * *

><p>He likes to listen to her talk and weave her stories as she tells him about the years in between. When they are lying in bed (so close he imagines this is how they will stay), he'll play with her hair, tugging the strands through his fingers memorizing the feel and texture of it. She'll tell him about Tony and how much her mum has changed. He sees the love and laughter dance through her eyes, a reflection of the good and right. He craves these quiet moments because he senses the trust and openness in her gaze.<p>

Sometimes she talks about Torchwood and the early years of her new life. How she had drifted until she found a purpose and that purpose was him. She tells him how Mickey saved her when she thought she had nothing. Mickey was the one of the only ones that knew the Doctor the way she did, knew what that life was like. When she speaks, her voice is flat and detached. He hates when she remembers those days, talks about those memories. She never fails to pull away (both mentally and physically). He watches her eyes as they lay dark and dormant, full of bitterness and regret. He wants nothing more than to tell her that everything is fine and that now, they can create new memories. He wants to hold her even tighter and say all the things he never could before.

But he doesn't say anything. Experience has taught him that he is part of that failure and it's already on the list.

* * *

><p>Then there are the days, the perfect days of them. Days where they race from one moment to the next, capturing the magic of old.<p>

He loves the way her smile changes the scope of an entire room, the way her laughter echoes all around them, the way her excitement throws them aloft. These are the moments he lives for, the unguarded moments of the Rose Tyler he loves so much. He wishes he could bottle these days and bring them back out again when the laughter has died and the past starts to haunt.

This is the reason he stays, why he slowly starts to erase lines from the list.

* * *

><p>He has never been fond of the beach but he thinks it might be time to go back.<p>

Just over a year ago (but who's counting) they started this strange new life together , and he realizes that the more things change the more they really stay the same. Today, there are more smiles than tears, more laughter than reproach and he finds that the list is getting shorter and shorter. But it isn't enough.

She walks along the beach behind him, pretending that she doesn't know why he insisted on coming here. He watches as she looks around her, perhaps straining for the sounds of the TARDIS. He sighs quietly and after a moment turns to her, catching her off guard.

"What do you want to do?"

She blinks up at him, trying to catch up.

"What do you want to do?" he repeats himself, hand waving between them. "I think maybe it's time for me to go."

He hears her breath catch and watches as she tugs on her bottom lip with her teeth, her insecurities showing.

"Because you're waiting for someone who is standing right in front of you, right here and it's a half life. We're drifting, Rose. You and I. And it's killing me. I've spent forever avoiding commitment, avoiding attachments and all I ever wanted was to be with you. You saved me, made me whole and I can't seem to do the same for you." He looks away, staring into the vastness of the ocean and wonders how they got here.

He's surprised when he feels her hand close around his and the press of her body against his as she holds him tightly. He leans down and pulls her tighter against him, savoring this impulsive moment. He can't remember a time over the past year where she had initiated a touch, a kiss or even something as precious as a hug.

"You're right, you're right and I don't know what I would do if you left me." She's crying now, her voice muffled by his chest. "I just needed time and you've given me more than my fair share of it."

"Do you remember that night in Norway a year ago? I knew you were terrified, I knew you had no idea what was going to happen next. But you grabbed my hand and told me that we would figure it out." He cups his hands along her face and watches her, "Rose, that's all I ever wanted. I just wanted us to figure it out. Together. I'm still me, your Doctor. This is us. I need you to be in this with me."

"I'm here." Rose's smile trembles as she reaches a hand up to his face. "This is us, then. Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He thinks he can banish the list for good.

* * *

><p>"So Rose, what's next?"<p>

She laughs at him as he turns up the collar of his coat, pushing his hands into his pockets. "How about a vacation? The past few months you've spent working on that stupid box for Torchwood, we could use a vacation. Maybe sand and water as far as the eye can see."

He pouts a bit, corners of his mouth turned down. "Not a stupid box, the box was brilliant, perfect, a classic from the Alphcide and I certainly can't see how Torchwood got its hands on it."

She ignores him, "We could do with a bit of mini break so vacation it is. Without any running"

He gapes at her, "You couldn't give up on the running. It's what we do."

"Yeah, but I can think of better things to do than run."

He smiles and realizes that he hasn't thought about that list in over a year, hasn't look back once. He knows it's finally time for them and he thinks he's ok about that.


End file.
